err

I think some people talk before they think. They don't realize I am a sensitive person who has a hard outer shell that deflects how I really feel. That is why they always see me with a smile on my face. I am normally a reasonably happy person but people don't realize I have bad days too. Lately I've just been plain hormonally emotional. You know that stupid woman emotion where all you want t do it cry? But people will never know it unless I keep getting beaten down day after day and I start to crack. "I'm not riding you hard I'm just trying to make you see things this way"

I felt around two inches tall lately. People nitpick on me and they don't think about how I am going to feel after wards. I get nitpicked on everything down to putting a scanner into the holster. But now a nice "Hey I noticed you have the gun out of its holder can you please put it back in there when you are done? Thank you." compared to a "JANELL! Seriously?!? why is this out of the holder? Why?! I seriously have left notes on them saying leave them in there why isn't yours in it?" The only response I had was "People do everything different. I prefer to not have it in the holder because its awkward for me to do it like that" They don't realize that they just made me feel two inches tall and that for some reason they continually do it. I don't think people handle stress very well and it feels like they seem to take it out on me.

Everything went wrong for me today. I mean it was just one of those days. Everything from my hands tending to just loose their grip on what ever I was putting away and it spilling all over the floor to me cutting my hand with the box cutter and it not stopping bleeding for a good ten minutes because I got it just deep enough and just in the right place. I had an urge to kill another customer because he thought that he was being funny. "Oh no!!!! Look a nail!!!" he had me get on my hands a knees to look under shelving at this "nail" that was so horrible and then once down there he was like "its my fingernail" I was mad but I mean what am I supposed to do? Yell at the stupid 60/70 year old guy for being stupid and aggravating? point out to him "Sir I have severe nerve displacement in both my knees and it is very painful for me to kneel and you just caused me to bruise my knees for the sake of your enjoyment" Yeah I'm sure that would go over really well.

People need to think sometimes. I know I'm 21 and I'm in management but I worked my butt off since I was 17 years old and I think I deserve at least a little bit of respect.

I wonder how many people actually know this exists. All the people whom I read I'm not on their page at all and I think I have had two comments.... Oh well if people do or do not read it its their choice I guess.