Who does she look more like?

might be the same dress but she still looks a lot like Ryan!

3 months, family history and other stuff too

3 months... has it really been three months?

Well last Wednesday Madison's breathing was worrying me so I took her in and they said it was nothing. They said that when the seasons change it can create mucus in their airways. So pretty much it sounds worse than it is. They weighted her and she was 16.3 pounds. mind you I almost lost it right then and there... she wasn't supposed to be three months until Sunday and she was already that big! At that point I realized I needed to just put away her 0-3 month clothes since I was putting her in size three diapers! So come Thursday we got ready and had her three month well check..

16 pounds 12 ounces!

holy cow! I mean serious? 9 ounces in 8 days? Well she was 25 1/4 inches long... so over all

100% for her weight

95% for her height

75% for her head

my baby isn't very small anymore...

She has fat rolls on her arms and leggies...

Her belly makes other babies jealous...

I think if we would have had her in the 1500's she would have been fine...

She hasn't rolled over yet but I think she can do it she just doesn't have the desire to do it. She does go from her back to her side in bed to eat which is why I think she can do it. Maybe I just need to put a boob under her and she will roll over?

She is my giggle princess! She is so happy! When she wakes up in the morning she lays in bed kicking around squealing with delight! She has made Daddy late for work more than once because he can't leave her being so cute!

She's at least getting semi consistent with her sleep. She falls asleep around 10 to 11 and sleeps til four (at which point she comes into our bed so I can feed her and not stay that much awake for it) She eats again at 6 then shes awake for the day around 7:30 8. She pretty much has my sleeping schedule. I would like her to go to bed around 8 and sleep til eight but I don't see that happening for a long while. She's fine right now as it is. The 4am feeding doesn't really bother me that much because for some reason about the same time every night I wake up at like 3:30 to get a drink so I'm up anyways... Why does my body demand a mouth full of water right then and there? I'll never know.

She enjoys her bumbo. When shes in it she wants to be able to see me so I kind of place her in places out of the way but still very close. She has been on kitchen counter, the toilet, and a chair right next to me while I'm on the computer.

Her doctor told me I can start feeding her food next month, but its not like she needs help to pack on the pounds! She told me to do it slowly and wait a few days between adding another food to it so that if she's allergic we will know more easily than throwing five new things at her and not know which one she got the reaction from. I'm not sure if I'm going to start her on rice cereal next month or not...

She loves hanging out with Shelby! She thinks Wendy is pretty! Plus she thinks Jason is squishy comfy play thing thats fun to take naps on... She's not so sure about big doggies, but the big doggies like her!

She's bonding more with her Daddy but still likes me best!

I still have yet to catch her smile or pouty lip on film... but I've got a video of her happy in her bumbo so that counts for something right?

I love her more than life itself and HATE being away from her even for just a little while.

She is a wiggle worm! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!

She still violently poops. I think people think I blow this way out of proportion... until they hear her and then they believe me!

She is a handful! but she's my handful....

I was at my dads on Easter and while talking to him the subject of his family came up. Now you have to understand, my dad is the only member of his family so I guess thats why they weren't so tight knitt? Well they have always been this big mystery to me. For instance I didn't realize my grandpa had three sisters... To this day I'm not sure if I saw them on the street if I would know them. Well I got the names from him and decided that I would see if any of them would be on facebook. My grandpa was the oldest so I figured I would find maybe one of them still alive. Well after searching for a while I caught a glimmer of hope and shot out an email that was tagged along with a web site. I was hopeful it would have been one of my great aunts and I shot her an email. A few hours later I got a response... my cyber stalking payed off! I found my Aunt Judy! I called her and talked to her for a little while while Madison slept. I felt awkward I mean what do you talk about with family you have never met? I got other names of family and how to get a hold of them. So now I'm friends with family that I didn't know existed. The fun part about this that one of them, Jennifer is posting some pictures up that I have never seen before. Its amazing... I want to go back to Ohio with a computer and scanner and scan all these pictures in and pick their brains. I mean I never met my great grandpa and he was their grandpa so they actually have memorys of him. Also (I think it was Jennifer at least) did a HUGE chunk of my dads family history already. I'm starting to input it on new family search right now but I have no idea how to actually do family history. If I didn't have the 15 pages (yes 15! One of the lines I'm inputting right now goes back to the 1600s!) of family trees already plotted out for me I wouldn't be able to do it. And even with the info in front of me sometimes finding their information is near impossible. I'm trying to work on my Grandma Sayen's line but I want to pull my hair out. After her I can't even find my great grandparents info! I need to learn how to do this because when I have an itch like this I need to scratch it or else it will annoy the living crap out of me...

(this is my Great Grandma Kanipes family in Canada... I never saw this picture until yesterday)

Going back to work... How can I really express going back to work??? It's been a hellish ordeal but I need the insurance. I think they are trying to get me to quit or something. They didn't even want me to come back to work in the first place. I just hope they don't keep messing with me because I don't feel like I should have to fight for my rights but if I have to I will. Madison has gotten better at hanging out with Daddy while I'm gone. I still cry when I have to leave her. I think I will be fine then I look at her and tell her goodbye and kiss her and then I loose it. But wouldn't you? She's my beautiful perfect little wiggles worm... She's like connected to me whenever I'm home so to not have her with me is an extremely odd feeling. I know I need to be working because to not have insurance is kind of asking for the worst case scenario to happen and then us being left with hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills.

My mom is going to be tested for hht next week. I seriously hope that she doesn't have it but realistically she probably does. If it turns out that she has it then I'm going to go get tested for it. Now I seriously doubt that I have it. I have only had one nose bleed my entire life. If it turns out I do have it then I have to test Madison which wont be a fun task it do. With the number of people in my family that has it and the complications that have come with it I need to make sure that we are safe...

12 weeks

Today has been a long hard day for Madison and I. I made the horrible decision to tempt fate and eat cream of chicken soup last night in a casserole. Since she's been awake today she has been screaming because of gas pain. She hasn't had gas this bad for a while. She has her daddy's sensitivity to dairy. I thought that she was ok it milk if it was cooked but I stand corrected. She also has gotten her first diaper rash today. I think her poo is just acidic and is hurting her belly in more ways than one...

This week is going to be and extremely difficult week for me. I'm going back to work on Thursday which I'm not extremely happy about which is why I haven't spoken about it until now. I have been fighting with my work extremely hard for three plus weeks about this point. The only reason why I am going back to work because I had such a horrible gut wrenching prompting it nearly made me sick one day. I've been ignoring the feeling that I would be needing to go back to work since I was pregnant. It was like an annoying fly in the room, you swat at it and it leaves but it always returns. Well I talked to Ryan about it cryin g because I hated the thought of it so badly but this peace fell over me so we knew it was right. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that it's going to be Ryan with her and no body else. I'm worried about how she'll handle it when she just wants me and I'm not going to be there... I'm only scheduled for 13.5 hours next week which is two days which is a blessing. I'm only going back for the insurance so I don't want a whole lot of hours even tho I'm supposed to have 20.

Madison is cuurently in love with her fists. She almost always has one or both of them in her mouth. She's getting slobber all over the place. She slept in her bed for six hours straight the other night which was a miracle. She now tends to sleep in her own bed but not for that long of a stretch. She is my love and I cant say that enough. Even with today if her crying hysterically and not wanting to be put down I cherish every moment I have with her. She can cover me in poop and puke all at once (which she did the other morning) and I love it. I remember the pain of not being able to have a child and the horrible hole that was in my heart with out her and she can pretty much throw anything at me and I will gladly take it. I might get frustrated every now and then but she is worth every moment.

I have discovered I am a lot more emotional than I have ever been before. I cry extremely easily and feel emotions a lot stronger. I wasn't even this easy to make cry when I was pregnant...

After my friend Wendy made me reuseable homemade nursing pads I finally feel like I'm healing better. I almost feel 95% better. I think the disposable pads were just irritating everything and preventing me to completly heal.

Also.. this is my 100th entry

Two months... two weeks so 10 weeks

My Madison is getting so old! Two months and two weeks old... I've gotten to love my little cuddle monkey so much. She sleeps next to me in bed. I seriously need to stop having her sleeping with me but it makes her eating two times at night so much easier! She doesn't even cry when she decides shes hungry... I actually think she eats in her sleep. But I need to get her in her own bed soon. At least right now we are in the bed. The interesting thing is that she keeps moving closer and closer to me in the bed so we start off on the very edge of the bed and by the time we wake up in the morning she almost has half the bed to herself... poor Ryan gets squished! But alas my laziness and want of sleep tend to win over a lot of the time.

She hasn't necessarily "let" me do her hair but I have been doing her hair in a pony tail. I haven't tried to do piggy tails yet but that day will come eventually. She can take it out but she's only done it a few times. She will be be crawling before I know it... I but her on her belly and she sure does try. She kicks her legs alot! She can propel herself every once and a while. She likes to stand up a lot. You don't have to help her that much just help her balance a lil bit and she does it on her own.

I've discovered sometimes you just need to listen to promptings or else they will get so bad and so pronounced that its like screaming in your head. I had that happen to me the other day and I'm not really in the mood to go into it but you will find out soon enough.