my baby

I never realized how much you can truely love a person until I had my daughter. Its just this overwhelming joy I get when I even look at her. Shes so happy and giggly and such a wonderful baby! I'm glad she's my first. I find her so funny when she grabs her dish towels and just giggles like she stole it and its her treasure. She licks me and licks me then giggles! How could you not love her?

4 months old today!

My Maddie is four months old today! How come time is going so fast? She is SO big! I find out on Thursday how BIG she really is! I feel like she has more than doubled her birth weight already (that would be 17 pounds 10 ounces) I'm pretty darn sure she is teething, she is drooling about a gallon a day and I'm seeing little white spots on her gums and she gets a bit cranky every now and then.

I think she is rather funny. She really really likes dish towels. I give them to her when she's in her bumbo and she hugs them and giggles crazily! She is my super cute sweet baby! I have started to take baths with her... now why you ask! Well she is too big for her little baby tub but yet she isn't strong enough yet to sit up by herself so I decided that I would hop into the tub with her and see how it worked out. I'm amazed with how relaxing it is so I've decided that that is how she shall take baths until she can sit and stay on her own!

She sleeps through the night every once and a while, she normally sleeps until three then eats then goes back to sleep. I'm ok with either way... I tend to wake up with my shirt completely soaked when she sleeps through the night so if she wakes up to have a little snack it saves me some laundry. (yes I know you ALL wanted to know that!) Madisons new favorite thing is to chew on our hands. She doesnt like teething rings but our fingers? Oh look out! That and she licks you... not like her tongue is out and she might accidentally brushes you with it oh no like she grabs your hand giggles then licks the palm of your hand! I heart my wiggle monkey!

I'm a bad blogger...

I'm not a very good blogger. I feel like I'm falling behind on my blogging duties... Bad me...

My first mothers days wasn't horribly eventful which I'm greatful for. Last year on mothers day was a horrible horrible day for me. I was a wreck! I wasn't even pregnant by that time and I tried to hold it together but I believe I cried a lot that day. This year was much better!Ryan got me and my mom flowers. We woke up and got ready for church. I took some adorable pictures of Miss Madison (she would look cute in a potatoe sack come on!) We just hung out as a cute little family. We put together her crib that we are borrowing from my cousin (Oh I love my cousin Alicia and Ken! Amazing!) (it was kinda funny I had her sleeping in the kitchen in the bassinet while we put it together) my parents came over later in the evening to hang out. We got on the subject of family history and how frustrated I am with my dad's mom's side (to show how frustrating it is his sister doesnt even show up and she died in the late 90's) and we decided to see how far back we could go on his dad's side and we hit a string (already in new family search done for me) that went back to 1040 in Kent England. The De Dennes (royalty of coarse!) and we found a website devoted to them and their family. It had family crests and geneology that went back to 945! So I count my dad's dad side done I just need to do his moms and its going to be hard... Well once my parents left Maddie gave me the best mothers day gift ever! She slept through the night! We put her in bed around 9:30 and she slept til 6:30! Isn't she amazing? I heart her so much for letting me sleep sometimes... my chest doesnt but everything else does.

Maddie has discovered the art of rolling over. She started to do it and Ryan helped her out, she then decided to do it three times in a row! It made me happy to see her do it! She hasn't done it since but she's turning into a lil fish! When ever we go to change her diaper she arches her back and twists around. Its like she wants a good view of her wipes that are right above her head or something. Its kind of funny... I gave birth to a wiggly little fish!

She is currently sleeping on me. Perfect little girl. She has her hand grasping my top like a security blanket trying to not let me go. I love my cuddle time with her. Shes my perfect little angel... even when she does cover me in poop!

Ryans dad came into town with some of his siblings the other day and came to come see my Maddie. Its always fun when Ryans family comes into town! They played musical baby and passed Madison around. She had her first trip on Grandpas shoulders! She had a blast! She even licked his head,,, she made a face. I guess his head wasn't very tasty! She liked hanging out with Emily, she hadn't seen her since she was a week old. She's seen Tommy the most! She really likes his shirts every time she sees him! I guess the next time she sees any of them is when we go up in June or July to rebuild Mathews computer.

Madison is starting to drool gallon of spit every day! Shes completely covers her clothes in it. I thought shes teething the other day now I'm not sure. Shes not cranky she's still her happy giggly self. She doesn't have the teething diaper rash from acid poo. She doesnt have white spots on her gums, if she is teething she isn't acting like it at all.

I'm trying to get Madison to fall asleep on her own which is harder than it sounds. I would love to be able to put her in her bed walk away and ten minutes later shes asleep. She fought me so hard on it the other day after hearing her cry for ten minutes I gave up. Sometimes I can put her in her bed and she will giggle herself to sleep after a while. She's getting more and more consistent with her sleep. She falls asleep every night between 9:30 and 10:30. Sometimes like last night she falls asleep earlier but shes normally pretty consistent. She waked up once around four (or last night 2) to eat then she goes back to sleep til 6ish which is when she wakes up for good. She tends to take two naps a day one for about an hour and another for a few more. She normally wakes back up from her second nap at like 5:30 then shes awake tile bed time. Sometimes she fights hard its like shes so tired she wont fall asleep. Most times you just need to rock her for a while and she eventually gives in to the sleep.

Madison and I have started to go on "Kitty hunts" now what exactly is a kitty hunt you wonder? Well there are so many cats in our apartment complex you cant go more than five feet with out coming upon one. So a kitty hunt is Madison and I walking around the apartment complex looking at everything trying to hunt down the kittys... its kind of fun! I hadn't really explored the complex before and now I'm finding big open grassy areas that will be fun for her to crawl around on when she gets big enough.

I'm becoming to accept being at work. I don't like the fact that I'm so good at something that I dislike so much but I need the insurance. I finally got paid Thursday after nearly a week of their mistake of not paying me... I wasn't all that concerned about the money but it was their mistake and I dont work for free. I'm just glad Madison is starting to enjoy her Daddy and me time. I haven't gotten a call of "she wont stop crying" since the first night when she wouldn't take a bottle.

I dont think I can say enough how much I love my little girl. I love seeing her little naked booty. I LOVE taking pictures of it! I think she might kill me later in life because of the shear number of booty pictures I have of her but I can help it! I love it so much!

You live, you learn...

I'm discovering new things every day about my little girl. Something thats starting to become very clear to Ryan and I is that she is a sensitive little girl. She gets startled and scared easily. She does not like being scared... and if she gets scared while eating it can be pretty painful for me. It can take quite a few minutes to calm her down. The other day Ryan called me from the living room and I responded to him from the room... Well Madison didn't realize I was going to suddenly talk loudly and she went into hysterics... I felt bad for her. She was so scared you could see it on her face...

Madison also had her first real accident and our little family has quite the mystery on our hands. I left Madison in the middle of her changing table to go fill up her little tub because she had another one of her blowouts that was bad enough to warrant a bath. I told Ryan and he went in to go see her. He found her face down on the floor on one of my shirts (thank goodness for that because I think it softened her fall) He found her with in seconds of it happening. She was of coarse screaming, but she wasn't hurt, just scared. So we have two theorys because she has never rolled over..: she either did a front flip off. She has been know to do a sit up when she wants food thats dangling in front of her.

Or- she somehow wiggled herself to the edge, slipped off onto her pile of dirty clothes on her feet like a cat, then fell forward onto her face onto my shirt...

I think the second thought is more likely because there is a smear of color at the bottom of the changing pad but when Ryan was a baby he would do front flips out of his crib.

She is fine, she has no bumps no bruises... I gave her some Tylenol when it happened in case she got a headache but after a few minutes (and eating) she was able to calm down and was a giggly little girl again in no time!

Who does she look more like?

might be the same dress but she still looks a lot like Ryan!

3 months, family history and other stuff too

3 months... has it really been three months?

Well last Wednesday Madison's breathing was worrying me so I took her in and they said it was nothing. They said that when the seasons change it can create mucus in their airways. So pretty much it sounds worse than it is. They weighted her and she was 16.3 pounds. mind you I almost lost it right then and there... she wasn't supposed to be three months until Sunday and she was already that big! At that point I realized I needed to just put away her 0-3 month clothes since I was putting her in size three diapers! So come Thursday we got ready and had her three month well check..

16 pounds 12 ounces!

holy cow! I mean serious? 9 ounces in 8 days? Well she was 25 1/4 inches long... so over all

100% for her weight

95% for her height

75% for her head

my baby isn't very small anymore...

She has fat rolls on her arms and leggies...

Her belly makes other babies jealous...

I think if we would have had her in the 1500's she would have been fine...

She hasn't rolled over yet but I think she can do it she just doesn't have the desire to do it. She does go from her back to her side in bed to eat which is why I think she can do it. Maybe I just need to put a boob under her and she will roll over?

She is my giggle princess! She is so happy! When she wakes up in the morning she lays in bed kicking around squealing with delight! She has made Daddy late for work more than once because he can't leave her being so cute!

She's at least getting semi consistent with her sleep. She falls asleep around 10 to 11 and sleeps til four (at which point she comes into our bed so I can feed her and not stay that much awake for it) She eats again at 6 then shes awake for the day around 7:30 8. She pretty much has my sleeping schedule. I would like her to go to bed around 8 and sleep til eight but I don't see that happening for a long while. She's fine right now as it is. The 4am feeding doesn't really bother me that much because for some reason about the same time every night I wake up at like 3:30 to get a drink so I'm up anyways... Why does my body demand a mouth full of water right then and there? I'll never know.

She enjoys her bumbo. When shes in it she wants to be able to see me so I kind of place her in places out of the way but still very close. She has been on kitchen counter, the toilet, and a chair right next to me while I'm on the computer.

Her doctor told me I can start feeding her food next month, but its not like she needs help to pack on the pounds! She told me to do it slowly and wait a few days between adding another food to it so that if she's allergic we will know more easily than throwing five new things at her and not know which one she got the reaction from. I'm not sure if I'm going to start her on rice cereal next month or not...

She loves hanging out with Shelby! She thinks Wendy is pretty! Plus she thinks Jason is squishy comfy play thing thats fun to take naps on... She's not so sure about big doggies, but the big doggies like her!

She's bonding more with her Daddy but still likes me best!

I still have yet to catch her smile or pouty lip on film... but I've got a video of her happy in her bumbo so that counts for something right?

I love her more than life itself and HATE being away from her even for just a little while.

She is a wiggle worm! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!

She still violently poops. I think people think I blow this way out of proportion... until they hear her and then they believe me!

She is a handful! but she's my handful....

I was at my dads on Easter and while talking to him the subject of his family came up. Now you have to understand, my dad is the only member of his family so I guess thats why they weren't so tight knitt? Well they have always been this big mystery to me. For instance I didn't realize my grandpa had three sisters... To this day I'm not sure if I saw them on the street if I would know them. Well I got the names from him and decided that I would see if any of them would be on facebook. My grandpa was the oldest so I figured I would find maybe one of them still alive. Well after searching for a while I caught a glimmer of hope and shot out an email that was tagged along with a web site. I was hopeful it would have been one of my great aunts and I shot her an email. A few hours later I got a response... my cyber stalking payed off! I found my Aunt Judy! I called her and talked to her for a little while while Madison slept. I felt awkward I mean what do you talk about with family you have never met? I got other names of family and how to get a hold of them. So now I'm friends with family that I didn't know existed. The fun part about this that one of them, Jennifer is posting some pictures up that I have never seen before. Its amazing... I want to go back to Ohio with a computer and scanner and scan all these pictures in and pick their brains. I mean I never met my great grandpa and he was their grandpa so they actually have memorys of him. Also (I think it was Jennifer at least) did a HUGE chunk of my dads family history already. I'm starting to input it on new family search right now but I have no idea how to actually do family history. If I didn't have the 15 pages (yes 15! One of the lines I'm inputting right now goes back to the 1600s!) of family trees already plotted out for me I wouldn't be able to do it. And even with the info in front of me sometimes finding their information is near impossible. I'm trying to work on my Grandma Sayen's line but I want to pull my hair out. After her I can't even find my great grandparents info! I need to learn how to do this because when I have an itch like this I need to scratch it or else it will annoy the living crap out of me...

(this is my Great Grandma Kanipes family in Canada... I never saw this picture until yesterday)

Going back to work... How can I really express going back to work??? It's been a hellish ordeal but I need the insurance. I think they are trying to get me to quit or something. They didn't even want me to come back to work in the first place. I just hope they don't keep messing with me because I don't feel like I should have to fight for my rights but if I have to I will. Madison has gotten better at hanging out with Daddy while I'm gone. I still cry when I have to leave her. I think I will be fine then I look at her and tell her goodbye and kiss her and then I loose it. But wouldn't you? She's my beautiful perfect little wiggles worm... She's like connected to me whenever I'm home so to not have her with me is an extremely odd feeling. I know I need to be working because to not have insurance is kind of asking for the worst case scenario to happen and then us being left with hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills.

My mom is going to be tested for hht next week. I seriously hope that she doesn't have it but realistically she probably does. If it turns out that she has it then I'm going to go get tested for it. Now I seriously doubt that I have it. I have only had one nose bleed my entire life. If it turns out I do have it then I have to test Madison which wont be a fun task it do. With the number of people in my family that has it and the complications that have come with it I need to make sure that we are safe...

12 weeks

Today has been a long hard day for Madison and I. I made the horrible decision to tempt fate and eat cream of chicken soup last night in a casserole. Since she's been awake today she has been screaming because of gas pain. She hasn't had gas this bad for a while. She has her daddy's sensitivity to dairy. I thought that she was ok it milk if it was cooked but I stand corrected. She also has gotten her first diaper rash today. I think her poo is just acidic and is hurting her belly in more ways than one...

This week is going to be and extremely difficult week for me. I'm going back to work on Thursday which I'm not extremely happy about which is why I haven't spoken about it until now. I have been fighting with my work extremely hard for three plus weeks about this point. The only reason why I am going back to work because I had such a horrible gut wrenching prompting it nearly made me sick one day. I've been ignoring the feeling that I would be needing to go back to work since I was pregnant. It was like an annoying fly in the room, you swat at it and it leaves but it always returns. Well I talked to Ryan about it cryin g because I hated the thought of it so badly but this peace fell over me so we knew it was right. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that it's going to be Ryan with her and no body else. I'm worried about how she'll handle it when she just wants me and I'm not going to be there... I'm only scheduled for 13.5 hours next week which is two days which is a blessing. I'm only going back for the insurance so I don't want a whole lot of hours even tho I'm supposed to have 20.

Madison is cuurently in love with her fists. She almost always has one or both of them in her mouth. She's getting slobber all over the place. She slept in her bed for six hours straight the other night which was a miracle. She now tends to sleep in her own bed but not for that long of a stretch. She is my love and I cant say that enough. Even with today if her crying hysterically and not wanting to be put down I cherish every moment I have with her. She can cover me in poop and puke all at once (which she did the other morning) and I love it. I remember the pain of not being able to have a child and the horrible hole that was in my heart with out her and she can pretty much throw anything at me and I will gladly take it. I might get frustrated every now and then but she is worth every moment.

I have discovered I am a lot more emotional than I have ever been before. I cry extremely easily and feel emotions a lot stronger. I wasn't even this easy to make cry when I was pregnant...

After my friend Wendy made me reuseable homemade nursing pads I finally feel like I'm healing better. I almost feel 95% better. I think the disposable pads were just irritating everything and preventing me to completly heal.

Also.. this is my 100th entry