November- December

I had a great thanksgiving. It was fun and relaxing and much needed.
Ryan and I both took the entire week off.

What wild adventures did we have? Seriously Madison and I hung around the house and did a whole lot of nothing except for hanging out with Ryan's family.

Ryan did go one a few bunny hunts which was evidently a blast. They didn't get too many, but he evidently got a field mouse with the 22...

One night while we were there we went to Emily's basketball game and I have never seen a basketball game like it. They literally were ripping the ball out of each others hands, it freaked

me out a bit, Madison liked watching them run back and worth. She only freaked out when people yelled too loud.

On thanksgiving we drove down to lund and had dinner with the majority of Ryan's family. We had fifty people there and that's with one of Ryan's uncles family missing and a cousin from the Fuges. I found it crazy because I didn't even realize I hadn't met some of them before and I thought I had. It blew my mind with all of us in the same room.

One of Ryan's cousins was a photographer and she took some group pictures.

Madison realized one of the doors was open and she booked it. His cousin Annie took a few really cute pictures of Madison on the loose... I can't wait til I can get my hands on them!

On the way home we had two deer decide they were going to cross the road. It freaked me out a

bit... they were going in front semis.

(yes I did jump out of the car to get a picture of it)

It was an interesting night since the stuffing made a few of the family sick... so it was a smelly smelly night.

The cousins spent the night for two nights which was fun.

They played cops and robbers one night which ended in Emily ripping her pants, having to go back out to find her Dads cell phone, and the van Ryan was driving died.

Now why would a group of teenagers be playing cops and robbers you might ask? Well Ely is probably the only city you can play this game properly. You have a few groups of teenagers go and run around the city trying to get to meet up points. They are trying to avoid getting into the headlights of the "cops" which is a group of adults driving around trying to find the "robbers"

evidently the games get huge and are a ton of fun.

I discovered that Madison loves trampolines. I don't know how she even knew how they worked! I put her on the tramp and she looked at me and started to bounce herself. It was seriously the cutest thing possible.

We all got weirdly sick while we were up there. Madison's nose ran for the first time in her life, and Ryan and I got weirdly congested. I believe it was from the higher elevation and the extreme cold shock that we experienced.

All in all our trip was a blast...

I made some poor souls life horrible though. We stayed at motel 6 for the week and the manager tried to lie to me... a few times, and it would really make you sick if I said what he was lying about. So needless to say after a horrible email to the company after we left we now have a free

nights stay at any motel six to use.

We got home and tried to relax and I went about my mountain of laundry. It took me about six or seven loads but I was finally able to catch up.

After I had the laundry all done I set up our Christmas tree with ornaments missing from the bottom.

I'm thankful that Madison hasn't been too attracted to the tree. She will crawl up to it touch one light bulb and then loose interest and crawl away.

Monday November 28th I then went over to my moms house and set up her tree with Madisons help. She was a lot more interested in this than my house. She touched my moms dog for the first time which made me cringe. She can touch the cat... just not the dog. I'm glad she only "touched" her (she kind of pat/smacked her on the head) once.

I'm in charge of decorating my moms tree because if my mom did her own tree *cringes* It would turn out a hot mess (with all the love in my heart) It would have like 20 year old ornaments that don't match at all and its just random, so in the best interest of the tree my moms not allowed to decorate her own tree lol!

Sunday December 4th Madison was... wrestling me while she was eating. She was rolling and twisting while she was eating. She hasn't gotten the fear of heights yet so she rolled right off the bed. The way she landed she must have hurt her arm because she wouldn't crawl, for two days. I called her pediatrician and made an appointment for Tuesday to get her checked out. The way she wouldn't lift her arm past a certian spot and wouldn't put any weight on it. She thought she might have broken her collar bone or her shoulder. So off to be xrayed we went. It took us about three hours all in all to be xrayed. They took one round then sent us back to get more done at different angles. I found out that she didn't break anything which was a huge weight off my shoulders.

Madison can be a little stinker somedays. When she was eating the other night she would look at me grab a handful of food, laugh, then drop it on the ground, then repeat. She also has taken to sometimes just refusing to take a nap. There are days though when you just love her sweet self so much you look past it all and just hug her.

I'm looking oh so forward to Madison's first Christmas. I know shes going to have a blast with all of the wrapping paper. Ryan wants me to make our stockings this year. I have never sewn anything with a sewing machine in my life. I'll wing it...

I'm proudly able to say right now I'm feeding two babies at once. Would you like me to back up because I promise I'm not pregnant right now. Have you ever hit a point in your friendship with a person that you would do anything for them? Well I hit that point with one of my friends. She called me and asked me if I wasn't using my pumped milk. I had a freezer full and I was doing nothing with it. Once she started in I knew I had been saving my milk for her. So Off I shipped my milk and started pumping again... That day was November 16th. From that day since I have 172.5 oz of milk in my freezer just waiting until she asks for more. Yes I am a milk cow, but I'm proud of it. I'm also proud that I am so close with this person that I will alter my life to make theirs easier.

Now hopefully I'll have time to post again soon and not have to wait a month and a half.

20 posts in one

I'm currently basking in the glow of a nap... her nap will probably end in like five minutes because shes been asleep for an hour and a half. We have been waging the sleep war for almost two weeks now and I think the war is coming to a close. (lol as soon as I wrote that she woke up!) The first night was bad, she cried for an hour straight as we slept in the living room... well I can't really say sleep. She did better the next night and the next. We got back into our bed and have only been kicked out once since we went back in.

Madison is super fun right now. She likes to carry around things in her mouth.

In her bath she likes to put a wash cloth in her mouth and like to migrate around the bath tub. I have her on a semi routine when I put her to bed at night dinner at 7 she eats for an hour (yes an hour she eats a heck of a lot some nights) so bath at 8 then she tends to be asleep by 8:30. It seems to help and I'm not sure how Ryan does it I know she doesnt get a bath with him but he can also get her to sleep a heck of a lot easier than I can. There are actually nights I cant get her to sleep but he can.

I'm super excited to go up to Ely for thanksgiving! I have the week off (after fighting with my job and have to prove it to her by giving her my hotel reservation.... yes I'm serious) It will be sooo nice to be around his family. There will be a new baby and I will get to meet my nephiew which I'm super excited about!

*enter the new post lol !

Madison is 9 months old today! Its kind of crazy to see her changing so much! She is such a cutie pie! I love her! She started to crawl on Saturday while we were in the hospital waiting for her cousin to be born (I'll get into it more later) Shes been trying to crawl or been on the verge of crawling for almost two months now. She got decently good at going backwards and butt scooting but never really got the whole going forward thing. When her cousin was born I told her to say hi to her cousin and she waved at him! It was the first time she has done it and shes been doing it more today. She thinks her mommy and daddy are so funny and she gets shy and hides... but then again she will wave back too. Shes likes to wave to the baby in the mirror too. She has a few favorite toys. She has a spider and octopus's from her bath. She likes to carry them around. I've figured out how to fit her into the wrap again. It really helps to have a free hand and she likes it too.

I got a text Saturday morning from Ryans sister letting me know her water broke. As soon as I could I called into work and we high tailed it up to Ely. We took a pit stop at Alamo and Maddie saw a spider that she loved! So we got him for her and made it up to Ely. I went and checked on Sara and she was at a 5 but her blood pressure was low and her heart rate was high so they were worried about her. I went back to the house because Madison wasn't having me be away from her. We went back to the hospital at 7:30 and we found out that that she was going to have to have a c-section. While we were waiting to hear to news Tommy figured out how to get Madison to crawl. Lure her with paper. Gunner Dean Griffin was born at 8:21 pm and was 6 13 and was

20 inches long. I told her to say hi to him through the glass and she waved to him for the first time ever. We stayed on Sunday and went to stake conference. We had family dinner played some games and visited Gunner again. We left at 8:30pm and Madison died the whole way

home.

Madion is pretty much trained to know that 8 - 8:30 is bedtime. Littereally you can put her into her bed she'll cry for like a second then she's gone til 6. its nice. Its odd tho I don't nurse her even a fraction as much as I used to. I think I maybe feed her twice a day, breakfast and lunch... sometimes she get cranky and she then gets a snack. Its weird I'm not sure yet if she will wean herself or else I'll have to break her of it. I mean I love nursing her, but it would be nice to have my body back to myself and wear a normal bra again... This is also a weird thing because I can tell nursing has taken a tole on my body and I'm still nursing.

People have been asking us when we are going to have another baby. We know when we will want to start trying again, I just hope when this time comes we wont have too many issues. Having to fight again would be hard.

I love my life, seriously. I might have hard days but overall I completely love my life!

another update that took me three weeks to write lol

(started 9/16)

I'm currently sitting in my living room with a baby who has been up since two am. Now its normal for her to periodically wake up in the night and I just nurse her back to sleep so why should tonight be any different?

Well I finally left the bed at 3am because she had nursed for an hour straight and I was sore.

2. I am not a pacifier...

so after rocking her, pleading with her and using every tool in my box I gave up and we are currently watching lost while I start her on cheerios... my squirrley 7 month old. Im starting her on cheerios because her ped said it was fine to start her on big people food and she goes crazy over puffs. cheerios are a heck of a lot cheaper and smaller so she seems to be doing fine. Ryan and I are planning on getting her a high chair tomorrow so we can let her go crazy in it. Shes already eating bananas. I cut then up and feed her... She loves to grab them and squish them sooo I need to feed her in something other than her bumbo so she wont try to mash them into the carpet.

Madison is trying super hard to crawl. She gets into position and rocks back and forth. She doesnt crawl persay she kind of scoots but you dont realizing she is until you turn around and she somewhere completely different. Her favorite thing to do now is lick the fridge and play with the knobs to the entertainment center. You have to be careful or else the volume will turn up dramatically out of nowhere and you look and there she is

(9/25)

bad blogger

So my baby turned 8 months old yesterday and it freaks me out a little bit. I seriously hate how old she is getting. I love it because she is turning into her own little person but then again I always want her to stay little and be my little baby forever. She most definitely has her own little personality. She wants what she wants and she lets you know. She is starting to babble which is super cute. She does surprises you sometimes. One night when Ryan was watching her, he was changing her diaper and she was crying and looked up to him and said "mama" Tonight while I was cleaning up and Ryan had her she wasn't too happy with it and then again out came "Mama" Its like woooaaa is she really asking for me or just babbling? She tends to only do it when she is under duress. The high chair is seriously the best thing we could have ever bought. I wish that we had bought it months ago! She seemed a little bit unsure of it when I first put her into it but then I put cheerios in it and she loved it. So far Madison eats :Bananas, strawberries, peaches, bread, bacon, ground beef, chicken, sour cream, eggs, cheese... I'm giving her a little bit of everything I eat so she can try it too (hint the bacon) So far she seems to like the enchilada beef I share with her a lot (we seriously eat a lot of those in our family. I make them once a day... We get into food kicks and right now thats what we are on. A few weeks ago it was scrambled eggs and bacon. I bought two 18 packs of eggs on Monday and they were gone a few days later)

She is NOT a good sleeper... not at all , what so ever, I miss sleep... She changed her bedtime from 7:30 to close to 10-10:30 which means she sleeps til about 8am... So Last night she slept from 10:30 til 1, she didn't stop nursing til 1:30ish back into her bed woke up at 4 nursed forever again then back into bed and she slept til 8... now why would I be tired so often? I cant really sleep while shes nursing... dose off a little bit sure but not sleep. Not to mention the fact that on Sunday she wouldn't go back to sleep after nursing so She woke up at 4am and after an hour of nursing she was still giggling in the bed so we left the bed at 5 and watched an episode of Lost. She fell back asleep and went back to her bed at 6:30 and since it was Sunday and I had to be up soon anyways for church I stayed awake... yeah Sunday was a tired tired day for me since I didn't get off work the night before til 11pm... Am I asking for sympathy? Not really I'm just stating a fact that I don't think shes completely in love with sleeping yet.

Madison is entering the phase of only wanting to go to me. I feel bad for my mom because she thinks shes getting abandoned whenever she sees her and she freaks out. She doesn't go to Ryan half the time and I try to tell her that. Ryan trys to grab her sometimes and she arches her back away from him. She really loves me and its super cute. I just wish she would be willing to go to someone else once and a while... My brother evidently did the same thing, my mom just doesn't remember when he stopped doing it so I'm not sure when it will end...

I'm looking forward to a year from now. We will be moving (our lease will be up and theres no way I'm going to spend another year in a one room with Madison in the same room as us) Ryan will almost be done with his degree (he will graduate December 2012) and *hopefully* the market will be better so he will have a better job in his field. It just seems like there will be an exciting time in our lives.

I'm soooo looking forward to thanksgiving week. Ryan and I are going to take the week and go to Ely. We need time away from Vegas. My work and his work are kind of driving us crazy. Plus Madison will get to meet her cousin who is due the end the October. She needs to be around Ryan's family more often. We already have her little sweater so she'll be warm while we are there.

We still haven't picked out what Madisons costume is going to be. Ryan told me that I'm not allowed to have her be the entire cast of wizard of oz... I figured I'd start looking when its October...

7 months

(I have been in the process of writing this for a few weeks now. This is the second time I've actually started this entry)

my baby is seven months old today (three days ago)

its really rather weird how fast it is all going

i really wish it would slow down so im trying to cherrish every second i have with her

she has quite the spunky happy personality

she most definetly tells you when she wants something or she doesnt like what you are doing

she is starting to let you know she wanta you to pick her up by spreading her arms and crying so you are more easily able to pick her up. Shes been doing this for a few days now and she did it for Ryan while we were shopping and he laughed

she is extremely attached to me

she will watch me

she tracks me when ever i walk around the room and she crys when i leave the room

ive had to sneak out some days to go to work so she doesnt see me

she loves her daddy but she still wants to be with me

we got her a tag blanket at target today and she was a little sleepy when we showed it to her but then she woke up a little bit more and stuck her tongue out towards it.

she thinks with her tongue

anything that comes near her goes into her mouth

she likes to suck on her bottem lip and then everynow and then she switches to her top lip

Ryan and I think that she's teething

She gets cranky and chews on you and actually enjoys ice

Shes currently wearing size four diapers

I've starting to get size 9-12 month clothes because her six to nine month stuff is starting to get a bit snug

I cant believe my baby is so big

How on earth did the time go so flipping fast?

We got her a new carseat finally because she outgrew her old one and now this one will last until she is 60 pounds so hopefully it will be the last carseat we will buy her... how long are they in catseats by the way?

she has started to refuse to eat baby food which I find rather odd because she used to LOVE that stuff to the point of where she would eat three packs... now she makes quite the face and spits it out. I wonder if I can start giving her "real" food now?

Madison has her daddys "serious" face when shes thinking. If you didnt know her (or her daddy) any better you would think that she was seriously mad at you, but shes just thinking

she stood up from Ryans lap when he was watching her the other night... he promptly freaked out and called me at work

im so sad that I missed it

I'm convinced that shes going to skip crawling and just walk since she hates going on her tummy so much

no she still fights with me about tummy time which she give herself by going from sitting up to on her belly

she sits on her own and has for a few weeks

shes a hopping fiend

its the funniest thing to watch her do

I couldnt imagine my life with out her pudgy little self

sometimes i catch myself just looking at her and loving her more and more every day

i have no idea how my heart could grow to love her as much as I do

I don't understand how anyone could not love their child and not protect them with everything in them, they must have no heart

I had mastitus for 24 hours two weeks ago. I caught it fast enough for it not to last for too long but still it sucks feeling like you got hit by a truck

we went up to ely to go see his dad get put in as a bishop a few weeks ago with my mom and loved it. its nice to get out of town even if it is only for 24 hours

i still hate work and all of the drama that comes with it

and madisons sleep has been severly screwed up since her teething so i must go love on my baby

the month of July

I will be the first person to admit that I'm the worlds worst blogger. I've said it before and I will say it again... The sad part is that I actually had an eventful month. I currently have my baby sleeping on my lap because we just got home from a weekend at Ely and she didn't have a proper nap so shes getting hers on my lap, I dont mind I'm watching special features of Gone with the wind while Ryan naps in the room and I'm currently craving a blt something fierce.

July has been a blast. The fourth of July was a relaxing day. I went to my moms wards breakfast. Madison played around with plastic spoons and was super cute. The rest of the day

our little family just hung out. Ryan made some burgers and we got a blue ray player and watched Lord of the Rings extended edition. We kept Madison inside and she didn't see

fireworks because I was afraid she would be scared of the fireworks.

My brother and sister came into town! I loooooove spending time with them even tho it went too fast. I hadn't seen John since thanksgiving and he hadn't met Madison yet. Kha and Sonny came too and later in the week Khas cousin Ben came into town. We didn't do anything fantastic we pretty much hung out. We had a bbq the first day then later in the week we walked around and went shopping at the outdoor outlit mall. My place turned into the nap shack. Everyone would just pass out when they came over. We got an updated family picture of sorts. We were all kind of a hot mess but it was funny, even the cat and dog made it in. I always loose it when my sister leaves. I dont normally do it til I'm back home and by myself then I just cry.

Ryan and I decided to go up to Lund for the 24th of July celebration. We realized we needed a hotel this time and we are glad we did. We took Madison swimming for the first time in their indoor pool. Shes a little fish in the water! She kicked and splashed around! She even tried to drink the pool water a few times. When I took her out and gave her a bath to get all the pool water off of her she kept acting like she was still in the pool. We set off at 8am for Lund but before we left we had to go help his brother out and fix a flat on Mathews van. We got to Lund just in time to watch the parade. It was so funny there were mini horses and someone pulling a monty python being followed around with coconuts. Madison got to hang out with her Great Grandparents again and got passed around. We then had a program at the old elementary

school, they also had a little market place where I was able to get Madison some more hair bows. We went over to Ryans grandparents house so I could get Madison to take a little nap which she did but pretty much every member of Ryans family also fell asleep. We went to my first rodeo which was fun! There were some people who got hurt but over all it was interesting to watch... wild cow milking... mutton busting... Madison actually fell asleep for a little while when we were there. We then headed back over to the old elementary school because we were going to watch the fireworks in the field behind it. It was a huge field and they were lighting the fireworks off in the field right in front of it. They were huge and right in front of you. I was so afraid Madison would freak out but she didn't. She actually fell asleep through them. It surprised me to the core because they were L-O-U-D! We got home in one piece with only two pit stops...

Last night was horrible... Madison got sick for the first time last night. After I got home from work I was relaxing and I heard Madison wake up and cry. I went in to check on her and she was wet. I turned on the light and looked at her and there was throw up in her hair. She threw up so much it soaked the comforter, the fitted sheet and it was on the mattress. I freaked out. I mean shes spit up from time to time but nothing like this. I stripped her down and went to go give her a bath and while I was in the bathroom with her she started to heave again... She ended up throwing up six times in an hour. I called her pediatrician thinking i would be leaving a message but they actually have someone to answer the phone and I had a doctor call me back. So I went off to walmart and got pedialite like she said and got back home. I was awake with her til til 4am when i finally dozed off. I was afraid she would puke again and choke or something. She was so pale and was so sad. I hated it more than anything else. Shes completely fine today. a wee bit more tired than normal so a bit more cranky. I think something she ate didnt sit right with her because shes fine now.

I had to stop feeding her baby food for a little while. She got so constipated that she would scream whenever she tried to poop. It was solid, no water and bigger than a gold ball. So shes back to being on straight breast milk unless she seem extremely hungry and eats the food with a spoon...

judgment

I was just cooking dinner and I was thinking about my family. The thought ran into my head

"what if people judge my family?" Then it very quickly turned into

"People really can't judge my family"

My sister Jenni

She seriously is one of the only people I sat there and thought and thought about for judgments they might say. I was able to come up with some for John and I but I can't come up with any for her. She has been in retail management with two different major clothing brands that most people would die to wear! (And fork out $700 just to wear their jeans...) She has had a steady job since she was 16. She is one of the most dependable people I know. I can't think of a time she has ever lied to me. She will hide something from you but if you come right out and ask her she will tell you. She is starting a whole new adventure in Louisiana with the most polite great guy the world could ever ask for! They are perfect together!

My brother John

Now you might say "but he parties!" but I respond "BUT he's had straight A's since the second grade!" He's probably a heck of a lot smarter than you! He's 21 year old hot single college student, he is allowed to let off some steam! If he can work three jobs (yes he has had three jobs at once while in college, not just a class but a full load) and pull off straight A's he can do what ever the heck he wants! Plus when he graduates he's going to have duel majors! How many people can even pretend to say they have come anywhere close to that?

Ryan and I

"But you went back to work after having a baby!"

And? My husband is going to school full time, and is the main tec at the blind center full time! If there was any job openings in his field that offered insurance I wouldn't be working but there isn't unless we move to texas or something but his credits don't transfer! He graduated with freakin HONORS and is making a life for our family so much easier! I am good at my job even if I hate it. I have had a job continuously since I was 16 years old and have been in management for seven years! Ryan is a worthy priesthood holder who was able to bless our daughter!

My parents

So what they got divorced?

So?

Who doesn't? Who can say they made a marriage LAST for 26 years? They have been through such crap that most people have never seen in their lives! They have had hard lives! But they both would do anything in their power for their kids. Both of them are current on their mortgages and pay all of their bills. If you say anything bad about either of my parents I will hunt you down and make you eat your words...

Those thoughts were running through my head while I was cooking dinner... It left me with a smile on my face. I love my family and am so grateful that I am in the one I am!

5 months

(There are a lot of edits in here because I've been writing this for about a week now)

My little baby is five months old this week... it kinda makes me cry that its going to fast! I always feel like I'm not taking enough pictures of her but then again I think I have four gigs already. This girl with have whole hard drives devoted to her!

She isn't really rolling over but thats because she's constantly being held. I'm sure she would do it if I would put her down more but Ryan calls us a kangaroo shes constantly attached to me!

She really love being with me!

(Edit: She has turned into only wanting Mommy at times... She watches me constantly. She will watch me walk around the room when ever anyone else is holding her or she's sitting by herself)

She chooses to be with me more than others but she still gets a huge smile on her face when Daddy comes in! She knows who her Mommy and Daddy are!

She has earned the best baby award for sleeping though the night two times in a row! I'm hoping this is a new development from her! Waking up with a wet shirt is something I will take every day if it means she sleeps from 10 to 6 every day. (and wakes up giggling and talking every day!)

Some days she doesn't poo at all but then the next day when she does let it out you need a hasmat suit! (Edit: She currently didn't poop yesterday or today... tomorrows going to be a huge blow out!)But then again that would certainly make her a Lund! Every Lund is smelly! (If they say they aren't they just lied to you!)

She is so beautiful! I love looking into her beautiful brown eyes and try to see the person that she will become!

She has started to attack your face! What she will do is open her mouth up all the way and slobber kiss you! She licks all over then sucks! When she gets off of you you have this huge drool spot on you but you cant help but laugh! I think she thinks that what you do because she is ALWAYS being kissed on!

I haven't started her on baby food yet but thats because I think shes still a little bit too young for it. I'll probably start it on her six month birthday... I want to keep her "little" for as long as possible! (even if she is 20 pounds!) (Edit: I've fed her rice cereal twice now. I her for the first time on Wednesday the 22nd and she loved eating it! She had a blast... but according to my mom she had an upset tummy when she watched her and got extremely clingy. I fed her again today, less and with a a shot of mylocon before hand to try to help prevent gas that might happen from it. She did good and hasn't seemed too cranky from it. I will only feed her cereal on the days where I will be the one watching her at night. I think I just need to very very slowly ease her into it... She has a sensitive lil tummy)

Her hair is getting so long its getting in her eyes so I have to find ways to do it and keep it out! (Edit: I put it in piggy tails today! Super cute!)

She really is into sitting on our porch and looking at trees. Shes content out there with me sitting her on the wall and her just looking around... mostly up! She really likes the tree thats right outside the window!

People have been annoying the living tar out of me the last couple of weeks because they arent thinking before they talk. For instance theres a woman who i work with that said I looked pregnant... now mind you I weight exactly the same as I did before I got pregnant and I'm wearing my size 12 pants so I just turned to her and said "Wow! That was rude!" She tried to back track and said I was glowing which I quickly retorted "no I'm sunburnt" along with other people saying equally ignorant things. Its like "hello! Think before you talk!" It takes YEARS to get off my poopoo list! I mean seriously just think! I dont care about a lot of things but if you hit certain NERVES with me I lash back. For instance on facebook I don't really care if you tag me in things I normally just blow it off and leave it. But if you do something STUPID enough I will delete your crap and untag myself because it annoyed me that badly. Its like seriously reword your thoughts don't tag me in it and make it cute and I wont really care, but don't bring my daughter into things... EVER even if you think its cute. a joke is meant to be funny. When a joke isn't funny people just sit and stare at you like you've lost your mind... Don't make people look at you funny.

I've been on a cleaning streak lately... You can eat off my floor right now. It just freaks me out thinking about Madison being in a dirty house! I wouldn't think about putting Madison on the floor even on a blanket if it was dirty! Think of everything that she could touch or get a hold of... Heaven forbid she pulls something down on top of her! Plus when a house is dirty you get more bugs and it freaks me out even thinking about roaches being anywhere near her! They carry diseases and thats not something I want around my daughter! Ever since I watched hoarders on netflix one day my apartment has been pretty darn clean! You don't necessarily smell bleach because I dont want that to end up on my hands and then somehow Madison licks it off of me but its clean enough that I could eat off my counter. Roaches.... *cringes*

Our trip to Ely

We just got back from our in between doctors appointment to get her shots and she is currently 19 pounds 12 ounces and 26 3/4 long. She still is out of the percentiles for weight and is the 95 percentile for height. I think its weird that she only gained 12 ounces in three weeks but then again she pooped three times before we left the house and she didn't eat after her nap so she wasn't full and happy like she always is. She really didn't like the three shots she got today. she screamed and screamed and still wasn't happy after I fed her for a little bit. hopefully she will be happier after she sleeps for a while and actually eats a full meal.

we had a lot of fun this weekend! We took a long weekend and went up to Ely! Ryan's work told him he needed to use his vacation or else he would loose it. On the trip up we left decently early in the morning and Maddie only demanded to stop once to eat and play for a little bit so it took us the normal amount of time. When we got to Ely we were surrounded by his family and they loved all over Maddie! But then again who wouldn't love all over Maddie? Every single person

who has ever seen her has loved her! She got to play on her uncle Tommy's shoulders and be kissed all over by her aunts and grandma!

I decided that she would feel so much better from being in the car for four hours so we jumped in

the shower to get the ick of driving off of us. We went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and

Maddie was an angle. No crying! She just sat on peoples laps and giggled like there was no

tomorrow! When we got back to their house Ryan went about building Mathews new

computer... he loves building people computers! I don't blame him he's darn good at it and its a good skill to have! We watched some Mr. Bean and I realized that I wouldn't be holding Madison very often while I'd be there and it turned into a game of musical baby! She loved all of the attention! Sleeping was interesting... I didn't sleep much because Madison could smell me and she decided to snack every hour on the hour. I soon realized I had to sleep at the foot of the bed and her at the top so she wouldn't eat as much. She still would wake up a heck of a lot more often then her normal two times a night self but five compared to 8 is a lot better prospect!

Saturday we went down to Cave lake to fish for a ward activity! It was the first time that I went fishing that someone actually caught a fish... this was only my second time fishing in the whole life... can't say I'm missing much. I dressed Madison up super cute and slathered her with sunblock. After a short photo shoot we went down to the lake.

All in all they caught nine fish but put them all back into the lake. Maddie took a little cat nap while Ryan had a lot of fun and tried to gross us girls out with the fish he caught... he got one a little bit to close for my comfort so I slapped his fish. Yes, I have slapped a fish!

Ryan and I got pretty sunburnt but we will live! Ryans dad and brother came home from camp helaman (a camp that's meant to prepare young men to go on their mission. Its like girls camp with out the drama) http://camphelaman.com/North/ They told us it was an amazing

experience. Its going to be fun when we will have family home evening to write his brothers

letters when they are on their mission. Maddie will draw them pictures it will be so much fun! His dad has some magic powers with Maddie. He can just look at her and send her into a giggle fit! He can get her laughing better than I can which is impressive. We were in their room when we decided to record a video of it! She must really love her grandpa!

Sunday we went and got ready to go to his old ward. Madison was pretty good. She was quiet until it was the sacrament then she decided it would be fun to talk! But shes cute she can get away with it! His brother Micheal gave a great talk about his time at camp. He had the entire congregation laughing with some of his storys! I didn't really get to go to Sunday school because it was snack time but I was able to go to relief society for the whole time. She was awake just enough to talk through the opening prayer and the closing prayer. She slept the whole other time through. We went over to his grandparents house after the entire house got their Sunday nap which is so nice to have! It was kind of crazy I woke up from mine a little bit before everyone else did and the entire house was quiet... We drove down to lund to go see his grandparents and Madison LOVED to hang out with her Great Grandma Bischoff. It was like she was amazed by her. I made sure that I got a lot of pictures of them together because its nice to have sweet memories like that. I also got the opportunity to get a four generation picture!

How many people can say they have that? We got home and it was a nice night playing dominoes

and games until my monkey passed out on her daddy's lap. She tried to fight it for so long and so hard she finally gave in!

Monday we had a spontaneous family picture outing at the train station. The photographer was a blast and we should have some super cute pictures of Maddie! We also have our first real family pictures taken! I can't wait to see them! We also went down to the copper mines to look at the pits. Its hard to wrap your mind around how big they really are! They are pretty to look at I have to give them that much! You don't really see colors like that anywhere else.

Our drive home was much different from our drive to. I think we left way too late (around 2 or 3) because she just wasn't happy being in the car. I think we stopped four different times... The last time we stopped she cried for almost a half hour because there was no where for us to stop. So I cried with her at the truck stop trying to calm her down. Her little sniffs from being hysterical break my heart! I have such a soft heart for her. I hate to see her sad! But we made it home and she can now sleep in her own bed!

I'm so grateful for my family! I'm so glad that I'm sealed to my husband for time and all eternity! I'm so glad that Madison is going to grow up with her father in her life! That she is never going to question his love for her! I', so grateful that we have her in our lives! She is so beautiful and perfect in every way that everyone stops us to see her and love her. I'm so grateful that she is such a daddys girl that she gets this huge grin on her face when ever she sees him and starts to giggle! I look forward to seeing them together as time goes along. He tells me that he pictures her a little bit older with pigtails of long brown hair and it makes him tear up! I'm so grateful that he is such a wonderful father and husband to us!

I'm starting to get really freaked out by dirtiness around a baby. Now I'm not talking about clutter here and there I'm talking about to walk in and it looks like a bomb went off, so dirty you cant see the floor. When there are children around especially babys that makes me mad. Do you not care about your children? Do you sit there and wonder about the bug bites they have on them because of the filth they live in? I mean how do you baby proof that? With boxes and papers and binders piled up all over the floor aren't you asking for an accident? That when they go to pull themselves up on something aren't you worried that they will pull down the entire pile on top of them? I'm not going to say that my place doesn't get cluttered because there are some days where I get nothing done but nothing THAT bad...

my baby

I never realized how much you can truely love a person until I had my daughter. Its just this overwhelming joy I get when I even look at her. Shes so happy and giggly and such a wonderful baby! I'm glad she's my first. I find her so funny when she grabs her dish towels and just giggles like she stole it and its her treasure. She licks me and licks me then giggles! How could you not love her?

4 months old today!

My Maddie is four months old today! How come time is going so fast? She is SO big! I find out on Thursday how BIG she really is! I feel like she has more than doubled her birth weight already (that would be 17 pounds 10 ounces) I'm pretty darn sure she is teething, she is drooling about a gallon a day and I'm seeing little white spots on her gums and she gets a bit cranky every now and then.

I think she is rather funny. She really really likes dish towels. I give them to her when she's in her bumbo and she hugs them and giggles crazily! She is my super cute sweet baby! I have started to take baths with her... now why you ask! Well she is too big for her little baby tub but yet she isn't strong enough yet to sit up by herself so I decided that I would hop into the tub with her and see how it worked out. I'm amazed with how relaxing it is so I've decided that that is how she shall take baths until she can sit and stay on her own!

She sleeps through the night every once and a while, she normally sleeps until three then eats then goes back to sleep. I'm ok with either way... I tend to wake up with my shirt completely soaked when she sleeps through the night so if she wakes up to have a little snack it saves me some laundry. (yes I know you ALL wanted to know that!) Madisons new favorite thing is to chew on our hands. She doesnt like teething rings but our fingers? Oh look out! That and she licks you... not like her tongue is out and she might accidentally brushes you with it oh no like she grabs your hand giggles then licks the palm of your hand! I heart my wiggle monkey!

I'm a bad blogger...

I'm not a very good blogger. I feel like I'm falling behind on my blogging duties... Bad me...

My first mothers days wasn't horribly eventful which I'm greatful for. Last year on mothers day was a horrible horrible day for me. I was a wreck! I wasn't even pregnant by that time and I tried to hold it together but I believe I cried a lot that day. This year was much better!Ryan got me and my mom flowers. We woke up and got ready for church. I took some adorable pictures of Miss Madison (she would look cute in a potatoe sack come on!) We just hung out as a cute little family. We put together her crib that we are borrowing from my cousin (Oh I love my cousin Alicia and Ken! Amazing!) (it was kinda funny I had her sleeping in the kitchen in the bassinet while we put it together) my parents came over later in the evening to hang out. We got on the subject of family history and how frustrated I am with my dad's mom's side (to show how frustrating it is his sister doesnt even show up and she died in the late 90's) and we decided to see how far back we could go on his dad's side and we hit a string (already in new family search done for me) that went back to 1040 in Kent England. The De Dennes (royalty of coarse!) and we found a website devoted to them and their family. It had family crests and geneology that went back to 945! So I count my dad's dad side done I just need to do his moms and its going to be hard... Well once my parents left Maddie gave me the best mothers day gift ever! She slept through the night! We put her in bed around 9:30 and she slept til 6:30! Isn't she amazing? I heart her so much for letting me sleep sometimes... my chest doesnt but everything else does.

Maddie has discovered the art of rolling over. She started to do it and Ryan helped her out, she then decided to do it three times in a row! It made me happy to see her do it! She hasn't done it since but she's turning into a lil fish! When ever we go to change her diaper she arches her back and twists around. Its like she wants a good view of her wipes that are right above her head or something. Its kind of funny... I gave birth to a wiggly little fish!

She is currently sleeping on me. Perfect little girl. She has her hand grasping my top like a security blanket trying to not let me go. I love my cuddle time with her. Shes my perfect little angel... even when she does cover me in poop!

Ryans dad came into town with some of his siblings the other day and came to come see my Maddie. Its always fun when Ryans family comes into town! They played musical baby and passed Madison around. She had her first trip on Grandpas shoulders! She had a blast! She even licked his head,,, she made a face. I guess his head wasn't very tasty! She liked hanging out with Emily, she hadn't seen her since she was a week old. She's seen Tommy the most! She really likes his shirts every time she sees him! I guess the next time she sees any of them is when we go up in June or July to rebuild Mathews computer.

Madison is starting to drool gallon of spit every day! Shes completely covers her clothes in it. I thought shes teething the other day now I'm not sure. Shes not cranky she's still her happy giggly self. She doesn't have the teething diaper rash from acid poo. She doesnt have white spots on her gums, if she is teething she isn't acting like it at all.

I'm trying to get Madison to fall asleep on her own which is harder than it sounds. I would love to be able to put her in her bed walk away and ten minutes later shes asleep. She fought me so hard on it the other day after hearing her cry for ten minutes I gave up. Sometimes I can put her in her bed and she will giggle herself to sleep after a while. She's getting more and more consistent with her sleep. She falls asleep every night between 9:30 and 10:30. Sometimes like last night she falls asleep earlier but shes normally pretty consistent. She waked up once around four (or last night 2) to eat then she goes back to sleep til 6ish which is when she wakes up for good. She tends to take two naps a day one for about an hour and another for a few more. She normally wakes back up from her second nap at like 5:30 then shes awake tile bed time. Sometimes she fights hard its like shes so tired she wont fall asleep. Most times you just need to rock her for a while and she eventually gives in to the sleep.

Madison and I have started to go on "Kitty hunts" now what exactly is a kitty hunt you wonder? Well there are so many cats in our apartment complex you cant go more than five feet with out coming upon one. So a kitty hunt is Madison and I walking around the apartment complex looking at everything trying to hunt down the kittys... its kind of fun! I hadn't really explored the complex before and now I'm finding big open grassy areas that will be fun for her to crawl around on when she gets big enough.

I'm becoming to accept being at work. I don't like the fact that I'm so good at something that I dislike so much but I need the insurance. I finally got paid Thursday after nearly a week of their mistake of not paying me... I wasn't all that concerned about the money but it was their mistake and I dont work for free. I'm just glad Madison is starting to enjoy her Daddy and me time. I haven't gotten a call of "she wont stop crying" since the first night when she wouldn't take a bottle.

I dont think I can say enough how much I love my little girl. I love seeing her little naked booty. I LOVE taking pictures of it! I think she might kill me later in life because of the shear number of booty pictures I have of her but I can help it! I love it so much!

You live, you learn...

I'm discovering new things every day about my little girl. Something thats starting to become very clear to Ryan and I is that she is a sensitive little girl. She gets startled and scared easily. She does not like being scared... and if she gets scared while eating it can be pretty painful for me. It can take quite a few minutes to calm her down. The other day Ryan called me from the living room and I responded to him from the room... Well Madison didn't realize I was going to suddenly talk loudly and she went into hysterics... I felt bad for her. She was so scared you could see it on her face...

Madison also had her first real accident and our little family has quite the mystery on our hands. I left Madison in the middle of her changing table to go fill up her little tub because she had another one of her blowouts that was bad enough to warrant a bath. I told Ryan and he went in to go see her. He found her face down on the floor on one of my shirts (thank goodness for that because I think it softened her fall) He found her with in seconds of it happening. She was of coarse screaming, but she wasn't hurt, just scared. So we have two theorys because she has never rolled over..: she either did a front flip off. She has been know to do a sit up when she wants food thats dangling in front of her.

Or- she somehow wiggled herself to the edge, slipped off onto her pile of dirty clothes on her feet like a cat, then fell forward onto her face onto my shirt...

I think the second thought is more likely because there is a smear of color at the bottom of the changing pad but when Ryan was a baby he would do front flips out of his crib.

She is fine, she has no bumps no bruises... I gave her some Tylenol when it happened in case she got a headache but after a few minutes (and eating) she was able to calm down and was a giggly little girl again in no time!

Who does she look more like?

might be the same dress but she still looks a lot like Ryan!

3 months, family history and other stuff too

3 months... has it really been three months?

Well last Wednesday Madison's breathing was worrying me so I took her in and they said it was nothing. They said that when the seasons change it can create mucus in their airways. So pretty much it sounds worse than it is. They weighted her and she was 16.3 pounds. mind you I almost lost it right then and there... she wasn't supposed to be three months until Sunday and she was already that big! At that point I realized I needed to just put away her 0-3 month clothes since I was putting her in size three diapers! So come Thursday we got ready and had her three month well check..

16 pounds 12 ounces!

holy cow! I mean serious? 9 ounces in 8 days? Well she was 25 1/4 inches long... so over all

100% for her weight

95% for her height

75% for her head

my baby isn't very small anymore...

She has fat rolls on her arms and leggies...

Her belly makes other babies jealous...

I think if we would have had her in the 1500's she would have been fine...

She hasn't rolled over yet but I think she can do it she just doesn't have the desire to do it. She does go from her back to her side in bed to eat which is why I think she can do it. Maybe I just need to put a boob under her and she will roll over?

She is my giggle princess! She is so happy! When she wakes up in the morning she lays in bed kicking around squealing with delight! She has made Daddy late for work more than once because he can't leave her being so cute!

She's at least getting semi consistent with her sleep. She falls asleep around 10 to 11 and sleeps til four (at which point she comes into our bed so I can feed her and not stay that much awake for it) She eats again at 6 then shes awake for the day around 7:30 8. She pretty much has my sleeping schedule. I would like her to go to bed around 8 and sleep til eight but I don't see that happening for a long while. She's fine right now as it is. The 4am feeding doesn't really bother me that much because for some reason about the same time every night I wake up at like 3:30 to get a drink so I'm up anyways... Why does my body demand a mouth full of water right then and there? I'll never know.

She enjoys her bumbo. When shes in it she wants to be able to see me so I kind of place her in places out of the way but still very close. She has been on kitchen counter, the toilet, and a chair right next to me while I'm on the computer.

Her doctor told me I can start feeding her food next month, but its not like she needs help to pack on the pounds! She told me to do it slowly and wait a few days between adding another food to it so that if she's allergic we will know more easily than throwing five new things at her and not know which one she got the reaction from. I'm not sure if I'm going to start her on rice cereal next month or not...

She loves hanging out with Shelby! She thinks Wendy is pretty! Plus she thinks Jason is squishy comfy play thing thats fun to take naps on... She's not so sure about big doggies, but the big doggies like her!

She's bonding more with her Daddy but still likes me best!

I still have yet to catch her smile or pouty lip on film... but I've got a video of her happy in her bumbo so that counts for something right?

I love her more than life itself and HATE being away from her even for just a little while.

She is a wiggle worm! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!

She still violently poops. I think people think I blow this way out of proportion... until they hear her and then they believe me!

She is a handful! but she's my handful....

I was at my dads on Easter and while talking to him the subject of his family came up. Now you have to understand, my dad is the only member of his family so I guess thats why they weren't so tight knitt? Well they have always been this big mystery to me. For instance I didn't realize my grandpa had three sisters... To this day I'm not sure if I saw them on the street if I would know them. Well I got the names from him and decided that I would see if any of them would be on facebook. My grandpa was the oldest so I figured I would find maybe one of them still alive. Well after searching for a while I caught a glimmer of hope and shot out an email that was tagged along with a web site. I was hopeful it would have been one of my great aunts and I shot her an email. A few hours later I got a response... my cyber stalking payed off! I found my Aunt Judy! I called her and talked to her for a little while while Madison slept. I felt awkward I mean what do you talk about with family you have never met? I got other names of family and how to get a hold of them. So now I'm friends with family that I didn't know existed. The fun part about this that one of them, Jennifer is posting some pictures up that I have never seen before. Its amazing... I want to go back to Ohio with a computer and scanner and scan all these pictures in and pick their brains. I mean I never met my great grandpa and he was their grandpa so they actually have memorys of him. Also (I think it was Jennifer at least) did a HUGE chunk of my dads family history already. I'm starting to input it on new family search right now but I have no idea how to actually do family history. If I didn't have the 15 pages (yes 15! One of the lines I'm inputting right now goes back to the 1600s!) of family trees already plotted out for me I wouldn't be able to do it. And even with the info in front of me sometimes finding their information is near impossible. I'm trying to work on my Grandma Sayen's line but I want to pull my hair out. After her I can't even find my great grandparents info! I need to learn how to do this because when I have an itch like this I need to scratch it or else it will annoy the living crap out of me...

(this is my Great Grandma Kanipes family in Canada... I never saw this picture until yesterday)

Going back to work... How can I really express going back to work??? It's been a hellish ordeal but I need the insurance. I think they are trying to get me to quit or something. They didn't even want me to come back to work in the first place. I just hope they don't keep messing with me because I don't feel like I should have to fight for my rights but if I have to I will. Madison has gotten better at hanging out with Daddy while I'm gone. I still cry when I have to leave her. I think I will be fine then I look at her and tell her goodbye and kiss her and then I loose it. But wouldn't you? She's my beautiful perfect little wiggles worm... She's like connected to me whenever I'm home so to not have her with me is an extremely odd feeling. I know I need to be working because to not have insurance is kind of asking for the worst case scenario to happen and then us being left with hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills.

My mom is going to be tested for hht next week. I seriously hope that she doesn't have it but realistically she probably does. If it turns out that she has it then I'm going to go get tested for it. Now I seriously doubt that I have it. I have only had one nose bleed my entire life. If it turns out I do have it then I have to test Madison which wont be a fun task it do. With the number of people in my family that has it and the complications that have come with it I need to make sure that we are safe...

12 weeks

Today has been a long hard day for Madison and I. I made the horrible decision to tempt fate and eat cream of chicken soup last night in a casserole. Since she's been awake today she has been screaming because of gas pain. She hasn't had gas this bad for a while. She has her daddy's sensitivity to dairy. I thought that she was ok it milk if it was cooked but I stand corrected. She also has gotten her first diaper rash today. I think her poo is just acidic and is hurting her belly in more ways than one...

This week is going to be and extremely difficult week for me. I'm going back to work on Thursday which I'm not extremely happy about which is why I haven't spoken about it until now. I have been fighting with my work extremely hard for three plus weeks about this point. The only reason why I am going back to work because I had such a horrible gut wrenching prompting it nearly made me sick one day. I've been ignoring the feeling that I would be needing to go back to work since I was pregnant. It was like an annoying fly in the room, you swat at it and it leaves but it always returns. Well I talked to Ryan about it cryin g because I hated the thought of it so badly but this peace fell over me so we knew it was right. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that it's going to be Ryan with her and no body else. I'm worried about how she'll handle it when she just wants me and I'm not going to be there... I'm only scheduled for 13.5 hours next week which is two days which is a blessing. I'm only going back for the insurance so I don't want a whole lot of hours even tho I'm supposed to have 20.

Madison is cuurently in love with her fists. She almost always has one or both of them in her mouth. She's getting slobber all over the place. She slept in her bed for six hours straight the other night which was a miracle. She now tends to sleep in her own bed but not for that long of a stretch. She is my love and I cant say that enough. Even with today if her crying hysterically and not wanting to be put down I cherish every moment I have with her. She can cover me in poop and puke all at once (which she did the other morning) and I love it. I remember the pain of not being able to have a child and the horrible hole that was in my heart with out her and she can pretty much throw anything at me and I will gladly take it. I might get frustrated every now and then but she is worth every moment.

I have discovered I am a lot more emotional than I have ever been before. I cry extremely easily and feel emotions a lot stronger. I wasn't even this easy to make cry when I was pregnant...

After my friend Wendy made me reuseable homemade nursing pads I finally feel like I'm healing better. I almost feel 95% better. I think the disposable pads were just irritating everything and preventing me to completly heal.

Also.. this is my 100th entry